girl
life
exit
talk
CHELSY
nineteen
050491
one saint mary magdelene04'
two saint mary magdelene05'
three saint joan06'
four saint joan'07
Saturday, April 14, 2007
have i told you lately that i love you? have i told you just how much i care? if i haven't then i'm sorry but the busy lives we lead each day, sometimes means we've little time to say all the things we want to say.... things like 'i really love you for making my dreams come true and for making me so happy with all he wonderful things you do'
i cant seem to log into livejournal so here i am. it's been 123456789 years since i last updated. and i've nothing much to say actually. but there's smth inside me asking me to blog. oh well. there's smth i ought to say to someone. and i should have said this long long LONG time ago. but i didnt know how. but now i know.
i'm really really REALLY sorry for all the stupid things i've done that hurt you. cos seeing you hurt really hurts me too. but thinking of the happy times we spent together makes me smile. remember when you first held my hand? you said you actually didnt want to cos you were afraid things would be so awkward. but in the end you still did and i was smiling like an idiot. i've always wanted to know how it feels like to be in heaven.and during the times we were together, i got the answer. it was sweet, filled with nothing but honey. i doubt you know this but you really made me felt so wanted. i admit, it was really hard for me to get over you. so much so that i had to use someone to forget you. now, if anyone were to ask me if i still had any feeling for you or whether i still like you, i really do not know how or what to answer them. listening to those songs does bring back memories but i just feel so calm. maybe it's a sign saying that i've grown up, and i've become more mature. seeing you with some other girl in town makes me really really jealous. and hearing that you two might be together soon makes me hate you both more. i dont know why i'm feeling this way. i really dont. i guess i alr know the answer but i dont want to face it. i want to be in a denial. i dont want to face reality.i want to run away from the truth. if you were still here, you will tell me not to run away from anything cos it wont change anything and the only i could do is to face it. but the thing is, when you were with me, i wasnt afraid of anything cos i know you were there for me no matter what. but the thing now is, no one will save me when i'm drowning and even if i can swim, i rather drown and hopefully, the sea water will wash away all memories of you.
no matter what the future has in store for me, remember that you were always part of my life. and i doubt that part of life can ever be deleted. even if it could be deleted, hopefully there will be a back- up copy.
i feel like a moron now. what i just said was so contradicting. oh my cow lar!! take care my dear (:
1:44 PM